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April 30, 2008
Question: I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed help. My future girlfriend wants me to say yes. What should I do? I mean, I have like only 5 girlfriends. That’s not that bad. Hmmmmmmmm, I is confused.
ANSWER: You is confused all right. Can’t help with jibberish.
Say yes and enjoy.
Wizard
April 30, 2008
Question: I have no life. No one loves me. I’m from Brussels. I’m little in many ways and I am sick of getting rejected because of it.
Should I dump misses booby girl. We have been together for like 5 years but I hate her. She keeps rejecting me because I simply want a hug. So should I? I am going to jump off my car and break my face. This girl has got me going around and around. Like I said, she has nice boobies and I want her so bad right now. Oooooohhhhh, never mind that, but yeah, I want it right now. Ok, anyways, should I dump her?
ANSWER: You’ve been dating this girl for five years and you have no life? Impossible. The reasons you’ve stated for rejection are horse manure.
If you dump her, you’ll not have a life.
Wizard
April 30, 2008
Question: Yes, hello, my name is ********* *******. I am eighteen years old and have a very hot girlfriend who is from Greece and has a nice rear-end and I do not want to dump her, but I fell in love with this blond chick with big breasts and I really want to get ** *** ***** so I would rather do that. I really love the other girl but I haven't got any in a long time so yeah, what should I do?
ANSWER: If you would rather go after the blond girl, the Greek girl cannot mean so much to you, otherwise you would forego all the fun and limit yourself to her. So, the net result is that you are willing to risk losing the Greek girl in order to not miss fun with the blond girl.
Obviously, you should do what you want to do. You are not married or bound to the Greek girl. Just be aware that you risk losing her. If indeed that is okay, then go for it.
Wizard
April 30, 2008
Question: HI. I met a girl. We had sex at the second date and then I made 2 days to call her. Few days later she said to me that it is over, mainly due to the fact that I made 2 days to call her after sex and that this was a very bad thing I made to her.
The last 2 weeks I am trying to recover but she is talking ironically to me.
We met once after this and she said that she did not feel anything when she saw me.
Is it really so bad thing that what i did? I think it's time to stop. What do you think?
ANSWER: If you think it is time to stop, it is. You did not do a bad thing. It might not be what she wanted or expected, but two days is not the end of her world, and surely not yours. She has some other axe to grind, something unconnected with the two days.
You’re fine – she isn’t. It is time to stop.
Wizard
April 28, 2008
Question: Hello! I'm 19 and I have been dating this girl (who is 17) for 8 months. First of all, I am bored of the relationship. We very rarely do anything together apart from sitting in front of the telly or going shopping. We talk, but quite often we run out of things to say.
Secondly, I like another girl. I don’t know her too well, but we talk on the internet most nights when I am not seeing my girlfriend and we have a really good laugh and we have gone to a couple of parties where we both have had a few alcoholic drinks (I live in England by the way, we can drink when we are 18) and have kissed a few times (she wouldn’t go further because I have a girlfriend).
Thirdly, I am traveling around China and South East Asia for 10 weeks leaving in May and I am going without her, and I am worried that I am not going to enjoy myself as much as I want to because I have been thinking of splitting up with her for the past few weeks.
I have discussed with her a couple of weeks ago about the relationship getting boring and I am worried that we don’t have a future together, and we have decided to not see each other so much, because we think we see each other too much. But I am worried that if we are seeing each other too much now, what is it going to be like if we decide to live with each other and marry? We have agreed that we will see how things go after I come back from Asia, but I can’t help but think I want to end it now. I really do love her though, and I am worried that if I do end it, I will regret it, but I am also worried that if I do stay with her, I will regret it even more.
I am missing opportunities of trying new things, and being young, there are still many things I want to experiment with.
Please help me!
ANSWER: The world is your oyster. You have so much for experimenting and experiencing – and you fill your world with travel and young ladies and evenings dappling (yes, making spots!) about in wondrous universes.
This will come to an end, so enjoy every moment that is yours. So long as you keep control of your destiny (enough anyway so that you are not disappointed in events) and are free and loose so that no ties bind you and no strings keep you from flying high another time again, you will be full of exciting energy. These are times to fill your mind with memories.
Through all the mix of things, you must keep serious about the love of your life. A woman will come along and thrill you off your feet. When that happens, be ready to steady yourself and be a good man with strength, agility, intelligence, common sense, and the wherewithal to tap into a good profession for her, for you, and for children.
Holy moly, would you know, your oyster is a bucket of joy.
You don’t need help. Free yourself of her. Sitting in front of the telly is like growing a shell around your body. Over time all you do is harden your exterior and gain weight. The world is your oyster – you are not the oyster.
Wizard
April 24, 2008
Question: The other night I found a really nice girl. Then suddenly I heard her yelling at my friend. She was like, "You're never going to kiss a girl like me," and my friend was like, "Yah, I know. I don't kiss girls that smoke!" She turned around and saw me and was like, "You didn't know that did you?" Should dump her or stay?
ANSWER: You’ve only been dating her a few days. You’ve got a lot more to learn about this girl than whether she smokes – unless, of course, you have already decided that any girl who smokes is off limits for you. And if you have, that’s okay. We all date, but we date what we want to date, and we decide what is important to us about our dates.
Wizard
April 24, 2008
Question: Hi, my girlfriend and I have been together just over two years now and currently live together. Things were great at first but then she went on the pill and she lost any interest in sex at all. She’s now been off it over five months but nothing has changed. It’s getting to the point now that in the first year of us going out we would have sex more times in one day than in the last year of our relationship. What should I do? Should I wait and see if things improve or move on? I still love her but this change in attitude makes it seem like she no longer cares about me in any sense other than as a friend. Thanks.
ANSWER: Your message talks only about the frequency of sex. If that were all there was to a relationship, your relationship is in a state of collapse. But sex is not all there is and there must be more to this story. If she still loves you, and shows it in other ways, then you should not move on. You should talk to her and work with her to improve that part of your relationship that needs adjustment. If she ignores you and doesn’t relate well to you any more, besides the sex issue, then obviously the relationship is truly failing.
Remember that sex is a piece of a large and complicated machinery. Yes, it helps hold the parts together, but the energy that drives the machine is not sex.
Wizard
April 16, 2008
Question: Okay, I'm dating a suicidal chick. If I dump her will she kill herself. We've been dating for 3 and a half months already! Plus she's obsessed with me. I'm scared. I don't want her to die.
ANSWER: No one wants any one to die. We all must be ready and willing to commit heroic acts to save people who are about to die by accident or the wrongful act of another. This moral obligation is limited. No one expects us to die for the life of another, unless we commit to do it in military service. No one expects us to risk serious physical injury, either, unless we enter an emergency related service, like fire and police.
In your situation, no accident or wrongful act puts your girlfriend at risk. She is her own threat. She is extremely selfish or she suffers from emotional illness, or both. You cannot solve those problems, however much you would like to. You cannot douse the torch in her mind that would take her life.
You will want to be supportive and help in every reasonable way you can. Dating her as a lover, or playing a game of pretending to be in a romantic adventure with her, will not help.
Wizard
April 13, 2008
Question: I've been with a girl for 2 months now. I met her at my old job. She's 17 and still in high school. I'm 20 and leaving in less than 1 month for Navy boot camp. I told this girl I loved her to get her to date me at the start when I really didn't. After 2 months I'm really annoyed with her. She claims I have cheated on her (I haven't) and is jealous of any female friends of mine. Plus, this girl chews food like a cow and pressures me to take her out for dinner almost 3-4 nights out of the week. I've spent probably hundreds of dollars on her and I am really not attracted to her at all anymore. She's getting fat. The sad thing is she is really, really into me and even plans to fly out to see me graduate from boot camp. Should I dump her, or should I go to boot camp, cut all ties, and pretend she doesn’t exist?
ANSWER: You’ve been dating for only two months. This should make it easier, because the roots can’t grow too deep in so short a time, and pulling them up causes less damage. You should tell her the truth (that you want to end the relationship) now, and without criticizing or demeaning her.
You didn’t tell her the truth in the beginning about how you feel. Though the wizard recommends truth telling, it is not unusual for a guy to exaggerate his feelings when he tells his girl how he feels about her in the beginning of a relationship. Most girls should know enough to be suspicious about expressions of love so early on from a young guy.
A two month relationship is easy to end (usually) and here is how you do it.
Be truthful, as follows: Tell her you have not cheated on her, that you think she was a great date and are happy you had the opportunity to date her, that she is a wonderful person who will find other guys to date after you are gone, and that you want to end the dating relationship now for many reasons, including that you don’t feel the romance of it any more and you are going away to boot camp. If you end it this way and now, she should know better than to continue chasing you, her memory of you will be positive, and she will venture on in her life without you.
Do not tell her about eating habits and weight gain. All of that is now completely unnecessary and may be hurtful. It may be true but that is no reason to express it. Some truth is left unsaid, especially things that hurt and accomplish no purpose.
Wizard
April 11, 2008
Question: Hey, here’s a Desirable question. If a girl clearly doesn't show that she loves you and you are clearly going out with her, then do you just dump her or wait the time?
ANSWER: If you add up all the dates and all those who are both dating and in love, you will find the number of dates will greatly exceed twice the number of people in love. Not everyone waits to find love before they date – in fact, just the opposite. Dating is a common tool to determine answers to: 1) Can I fall in love with this person? 2) Will I fall in love with this person? 3) Will this person fall in love with me?
Though dating is often a precursor to love, it is also a social thing to do with someone you simply enjoy. A lot of dates occur without whirlwind emotions and sparks.
If the girl you date is not in love, she still might like you a lot and want to date you. She might think love is possible but hasn’t happened yet. She could be “testing you out” still. If so, dumping her would be a stupid thing to do, if you still like her.
If you don’t like her, dump her. If you think she is too put-offish and pays too little attention to you, dump her. If you have no intention of falling in love with her, and find another girl with greater possibilities, dump her. But if you still like her and think she doesn’t like you enough, why dump her? She is still dating you, and that should tell you something positive is going on in her head about you, and it should be, at least, “I think he’s cool,” or “He’s fun to be with,” if not “I think he’s a keeper, but I’m not quite sure yet.”
Wizard
April 8, 2008
Question: Hi Wizard, I actually stumbled across your website by mistake. I've read many of the questions posted here and the depth of your wisdom in answering each post. I think you can give me some helpful advice, too.
I'm 28 and I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend, who's 27, for fifteen months now, but I don't think it's working out well and I have been seriously thinking about breaking up with her. She has two kids with two different guys. She claims that each time she was in love but her ex cheated and she left the relationship.
The problem I see is that she has not let go of her past, even though she is a good person. She has disrespected me in front of her exes and put them above me on numerous occasions. For instance, we went to a birthday party where her youngest child's daddy was present. Right in front of me, she dirty danced with him. He held her in places that only a boyfriend or husband should hold. When I confronted her three days later, she laughed it off as me being petty and that it was just an innocent dance and that she was over him.
She does the same with her oldest child's father. She calls him daily, and it's not always about their child. In my presence, they have rattled on the phone about his job, their past, and she giggles so much as they converse and even says "I love you before hanging up." But she claims that it's just innocent and that this guy hurt her so much in the past she cannot be romantically involved with him in any shape or form. Oh well! I asked her to define her relationship with him one day and here is what she told me: I have to maintain relationships with my exes for the sake of the kids.
The worst happened one week ago: Her brother had his wedding anniversary party and invited me. I had to work that weekend so I could not make it. Fortunately, my boss let me out early that night and I went straight to the party and met the shocker. The same ex she tells "I love you" was invited to the party. She pretended I wasn't even there and looked right in my face and said that her ex was spending the weekend at her house after I asked her to chill with me later that night. She left with him, spent the weekend with him just to call me on Monday when he had left town. Now, to add insult to injury, this girl had been out of a job for the last 5 months and I have been footing most of her bills. I paid her rent on Thursday and her ex was over from Friday till Sunday. If I hadn't been to the party, I would have never known he was in town.
When I confronted her on Monday, she claimed no wrongdoing or disrespect to me and that she didn't sleep with him that weekend. In fact, this dude just got out of jail and was raped by 5 guys shortly before his release. She has no remorse for what she did and this is the apology she gave me: "I didn't do anything wrong, but if you felt I hurt you, then I'm sorry." Yet she calls me numerous times daily (after this last event) just to "check on me." Last night she claimed her apology was genuine and that she will change. I don't know whether to believe her or not.
We have some big disparities like she is a college drop-out without a job (at the moment) and I have a master's degree and I'm a doctoral candidate. She has two kids with two different men and I have no kids. We do not live together but we attend the same church and I'm the teacher of the Sunday School class she joined recently. We also both sing in the choir. I have feelings for her and I'm attached to her kids. Being a very nice guy, I've reasoned many times that this may not the right relationship for me. I have not had another relationship since I've been with her.
Should I give her a chance after this last event, wait it out and see if she'll improve? Should I break up with her? If so, what do I do about church? Should I quit? My feelings are mixed and at present I do not have a clear head. My friends tell me that it's not worth it anymore and I need to move on because "she's not my type and she's below my level." However, I'm not the type to put people down. Am I wasting my time or should I continue being the good guy and give her a chance? I need advice. Thanks a lot.
ANSWER: She demonstrates an ability to forgive past failings of former boyfriends. You will be no different to her after you dump her. Knowing that she won’t be uncomfortable should help you get over it enough to stay involved with your church. The church activities are important for you personally and other members of the church benefit from your continued involvement. So don’t quit the church.
The more difficult question is whether to dump her. A healthy relationship with the fathers of her two children is good and important. However, such a relationship does not require the intimacy your question suggests. As a single girl not romantically involved with another man, she can and should enjoy whatever kind of relationship she and they enjoy. The intimacy you describe, however, is inconsistent with a romantic interest in you.
She may have been blind to it. She may have misunderstood your intentions. More likely, she is a free, uninhibited spirit, unbothered by the inconsistent behaviors you witnessed. In reality, though, however free her spirit is, she is hinged to her two children and their fathers. You will have to accept her as she is, or decide to let her go and move on because you can’t have all of her, just what is left of her.
Be careful. You do not want to be father number three and unmarried.
If you do dump her, it is not a put down. She will do fine. You will miss her joyful, free spirit. No doubt she lights up your day. However, many good women exist out there and you will find one, a woman unhinged to former boyfriends now fathers of her children.
Wizard
April 6, 2008
Question: My girlfriend called it quits a couple months ago. During the separation, Valentine's Day went by. Then, she called me recently, and we reconnected. I was at her house, and found a Valentine's Day card that had handwriting that said, "I am getting flustered just thinking of you and writing this to you." Surrounding the card were hearts with words such as "you rock," "you're cool," "you're the best." Then, the sign off had the guy's name with a heart surrounding it. Then, later I looked in her phonebook, and this guy's name had the word "stud" behind it along with his parents’ numbers also. I scrolled to my name, and it simply said my name. She said that this person was in rehab. Here is my conclusion. She took up with this guy, and when he went to rehab, she needed a pinch hitter (me), and I am due to be dumped when he gets out. When asked about the card, she said it was nothing. He was just a friend she knew for a long time. Why does he put a heart around his name? Why does he get "stud" after his name, and no one else does?
ANSWER: Most likely he was more than a friend – or was a special friend – and you may be right about what will happen when he gets out. But, if she is worth it, see whether your pinch hitter status will change. If things go well between now and then, she might like you better than him and put “stud” next to your name. Then you’ll bat clean-up and play all nine innings.
Wizard
April 5, 2008
Question: My girlfriend and I have been on again off again a lot over the last few years. We're both 19. I have been seeing another girl intimately for the past 8 months (yes, I cheated). I really like this girl a lot and have known her for most of my life, but I just can't seem to get girlfriend 1 out of my head. She calls me all the time. Girlfriend 2 is now almost 5 months pregnant with my baby. Who do you dump?
ANSWER: Dump the one without the baby. Better to commit to the mother of your child than to try to manage two different relationships with a child in the mix.
Wizard
April 2, 2008
Question: Hey, I love a girl, but she always talks to her ex boyfriends and texts a lot of guys that I don’t like. Whenever I talk to her she always tells me to trust her, but for some reason I don’t. But I really like her and don’t want to dump her.
ANSWER: If you don’t dump her, you must learn to trust her. When the trust is broken, it is time to dump her. If the trust is never broken, you will realize you have a popular girl who likes to be social but who is faithful to her boyfriend. And that, if it is true, is a real winner.
Wizard
April 1, 2008
Question: A couple nights ago at a party I got with a girl and she came on to me really strongly. I'm not that physically attracted to her and under the black lights and the quantity of Vodka I consumed, she was looking pretty good that night. My friend got her number for me (without asking) and she’s friends with lots of people I hang around with. So because my friend got her number, she is expecting me to text her. What should I say so that I don't hurt her feelings and don’t give her the idea I want a relationship?
ANSWER: Send a text message telling her you thought she was cool and fun that night, but that you aren’t interested in a dating relationship. She will feel good that you liked her and she won’t think you want a relationship, because you will have told her straight in both categories.
Wizard
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