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May 31, 2006
Question: Don't what? Don't dump her?
ANSWER: “Yes, I can wait 6 months. No, I cannot wait any longer.” The answer is don’t wait any longer.
The sqweeb who wrote the previous question is a mind with short attention span and too little on the mind. So, in keeping with his state of mind, the answer responded to the last thing said.
This question (Don’t what? Don’t dump her?) is from a reader who possesses broader and more insightful mind, more like almost everyone, and the wizard apologizes for being too cute in the answer.
Always devoted to truth and wisdom, sometimes irreverent, and even more seldom crotchety (only when a question needs editing out bad language),
Wizard
May 31, 2006
Question: Me and girlfriend have been dating for about a year. WE had sex on third month, and we have had sex about 4 times since. It wasn't very good, and she doesn't like it (supposedly because . . . (edited out) . . .). It's been 6 months now since we've had sex. Yes, 6 months. I am (edited out) sick of it and I don't know if I should keep waiting for the nympho days or should I dump her.
P.S. Yes, I can wait 6 months. No, I cannot wait any longer.
Thanks
ANSWER: Don’t.
Wizard
May 30, 2006
Question: Me and my girlfriend have been together a year and a half. We moved away because of my work and she moved in with me in our new place. Only in the last 4 months have i found myself not interested in her. We argue and i don't think she trusts me. We are about to go on holiday and i hope this helps things. She has made a lot of changes for me and i really don't want to hurt her or her family as we all get on really well. However i don't know of I still want to be with her. What should i do? i just want to be happy again. please help
ANSWER: Your girlfriend might be one of your best allies in finding out what it is that makes you unhappy and wrestling with it. Are you sure you would be happier if she were gone?
The wizard wishes you good health and happiness – and wants you to find the source of your unhappiness and be better. On the information provided, it is impossible to help you determine the source of your discomfort. If it is she, your question does not reveal that it is.
Wizard
May 22, 2006
Question: my girlfriend is really nice but she flirts to everyone else and i mean everyone else all the time. everyone fancies her and she just puts herself right out there! i have told her that i don't like this but she says I’m being stupid.
ANSWER: She can’t change. She likes it. You’ll have to get used to it or find another girlfriend.
Wizard
May 22, 2006
Question: Hi i've been going out with this girl who’s in my form for about two months, but recently i've lost interest. I don't want to hurt her as she is a really nice person. What should I do?
ANSWER: Let her go nicely, but let her go. If you lead her on after you’ve lost interest, she could get even more attached, so much so that letting her go later will be even more painful. Letting her go nicely means telling her in a calm and friendly voice that you are sorry but you have lost the romantic part of your interest in her. It is more cruel to not tell her and then try to deal with it later than it is to tell her directly and right away.
Wizard
May 18, 2006
Question: she think's im cheating on her but im not. her friends tell me she has more boyz dan me. what should i do?
ANSWER: You both should stop listen to everybody else and start listening to each other.
Wizard
May 18, 2006
Question: my girlfriend Lois is hot and everything but she doesn’t let me treat her like i should. she pays for everything and we can only make out once a day and i'm not that kind of guy.
ANSWER: If you’re incompatible, a dump is in order.
Wizard
May 14, 2006
Question: she is always trying to control me, gets upset if i want to do something my way or have my say taken into account. she always get very "clingy" when she is upset and says "i need your soft sid eat these times" even if it isn't appropriate (e.g during a night out with friends (partners included).
ANSWER: If it bothers you too much, then a dump is the right answer.
Wizard
May 12, 2006
Question: I've been with my girlfriend off and on for 3 years now-dated one summer, took a break for 6 months, and have been together for 2 years now with a few rough spots in between. She's always had trust issues with me, which I've never given her reason to have. She says it stems from old b/f's.
Recently I found out that she lied to me about her age. I thought she was 17 going on 18 when we met (I was 19) now I come to find out 3 years later that she's not turning 19 until this October, meaning she was 16 when we met. Her whole family knew, as well as her friends, and no one cared to tell me.
So now I feel like a fool, and don't feel like I can trust her at all. She says she did it because she loved me. But if that was really true wouldn't she have told me?
ANSWER: She should not have lied about her age. However, she might have been too immature to know how important it is, or to put her selfish desire to date you ahead of being honest with you. With maturity, she should realize that your relationship with her is better if it rests on a sound honest footing. If she has told you now, and if you love her, you might forgive the immature act, and be thankful that some maturity has moved her into a better place with you. If you learned it from someone else, you might have a lengthy talk with her, or just dump her.
If her family and friends knew that you did not know and did not tell you, your feelings are natural, but remember their loyalty to your girlfriend, and what telling you might have meant for her. Of course, if you possessed bad character, they’d be telling you in a minute to protect her. They must have liked you enough to think she was safe with you.
The answer is that it is not assumable that a sixteen year-old will be honest about age to the person he or she loves. If she told you now, at nineteen, she might be getting to be a better person and be even more attractive to you.
Wizard
May 9, 2006
Question: Right here goes. I have been going out with my girlfriend for nearly six months now and i was getting completely bored with her before she was taken in to hospital. She has now been in hospital coming up for a month. She has nerve damage in her brain. Basically every thing was going ok again whilst she was in hospital until she was let out for the weekend. I went to see her at her parent’s house and everything kicked off. The
long and short of it was that her family is blaming me for her nerve damage. They are blaming me because apparently I have been unsupportive. And I am the one who has been taking time off work to see her and going whenever I can. Her Mum started swearing and shouting at me calling me all sorts of names. My girlfriend sort of stuck up for me, until later when we were alone and said that what her mum said was partly true and that I have not been there for her causing her stress which caused the damage. I know it has not been easy for her but I too have been going to the hospital.
ANSWER: Many who fall into bad times feel a need to put blame on someone else – sometimes justified, sometimes not. When the blame is unjust, it only adds to the tragedy. It cannot resolve what put them into bad times in the first place, and good people unjustly blamed still find ways to feel guilt.
Understand their pain. Forgive them for blaming you. In your own mind you are confident that you are not a contributing cause and you should not shoulder any blame. If it continues and gets too nasty, you might have to move on – but try to be understanding, because in time they might realize what they are doing and be good to you again.
Wizard
May 7, 2006
Question: Hey Wizard, ive been going out with a girl for about a year and 3 months overall and we've broken up like 3 times so far cause she can't do anything. I realllly like her a lot, but I live 30 minutes away and never get to see her and she is always hanging out with her guys she goes to school with. She isn't the kind of girl that would cheat, but im getting worried that she's starting to like them more than me. I might just be jealous because she hangs out with other guys like 5 times more than me. Should I dump her?
ANSWER: Try to keep her if you realllly like her. If you like someone else better, that is a reasonable basis to dump her. Your worry about whether she likes other guys more than you is not a good reason to dump her.
Here is the simplest reason why: Believe it or not, you can misjudge her. She might like you better even if you don’t see it that way. She might realllly like you better than those guys. If she dumps you, you’ll get the message quick enough, but don’t dump her to fend off the possibility that you will get dumped.
Wizard
May 4, 2006
Question: There is this girl who im in a relationship with and i like her and all but i feel this emptiness inside me and i feel like dumping her but im not sure because she already gave me her heart and she is already going through a lot of troubles. What should i do?
ANSWER: Sometimes the person you date has problems and, if you have fondness for your date (as you should), naturally you want to help as much as you can with the problems. Some time later, if you come to a point in the relationship when you want to end it, not because someone’s been nasty or someone’s done something bad, just that the relationship isn’t working like you want it to, then those problems that you want to help solve become a new problem for you. You might worry that without your help your date will fail and get hurt – not because of anything you’ve done, but because your date came to depend on your support and might hit the deck if you go.
This is a place where “walking the razor’s edge” truly rings bells of meaning.
You have to a “walk the fine line” with your best effort. Try to ease her out of the dating relationship and at the same time let her know you are still a source of support. You must be fair to yourself and cut the romantic ties (for example, reduce and eventually end physical intimacy; end talk of love; end romantic landscapes like sitting in the car at night watching beautiful sunsets; end talk of the future as a couple). You must sacrifice time and to give your best effort when she needs your help with non-romantic issues (for example, if she needs your advice, think hard and give her your best thinking; if she needs emotional support, be there; be willing to take time and perform small tasks for her).
You cannot do more than that. You should not change the course of your life for her (you are not married). You should not stay romantically involved if you don’t want to (dating is not a form of involuntary servitude).
Do your best. Get on with life if you fail. Best wishes for you (and her) from the
Wizard
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