|
|
May 31, 2007
Question: how do you dump a girl if she is really sensitive and you didn't even mean to become girlfriend and boyfriend with her?
ANSWER: If you’ve been dating long, you’ve got to wiggle out of it clumsily. If you have just started, it will be easier.
Either way, talk to her as nicely as you can to tell her the truth – that the relationship really should be just friends, not something
romantic.
The more sensitive she is, the sooner you need to tell her, no matter how difficult it must be.
Wizard
May 21, 2007
Question: My girlfriend was an abused child. She is very insecure, always asking me if I am into her. She demands a lot of time, like
please call her every five minutes. Please tell her that I love her. Ok, here is how I feel. She has gained 15 pounds since we met. Her fat ass
doesn't interest me sexually at all anymore. I pretend I am asleep at night so I don't have to have sex with her. She disgusts me. I wish she
would get a life so she wouldn't bother me so much. The girl has become a real psycho showing up everywhere I am. How do I dump this *****
without her getting all Glenn Close on me?
ANSWER: The tragedy about the Glenn Close character is that she is marginally sympathetic. Michael Douglas’s character, unfaithful
to his wife, had an illicit affair with the Glenn Close character, leading her to believe she had found Mr. Right, only to learn later that Mr.
Right had enjoyed a brief burst of sexual hormones and nothing more.
Surely we cannot expect a Glenn Close act on your girlfriend’s part and we must assume it will not happen. If she is a Glenn Close
character, well, there ain’t nothing we can do about it.
In your situation, this is a girlfriend. She is more sympathetic because she invested a lot more into your relationship, but you too are
more sympathetic in that you are not engaged in an illicit affair. In any event, given your dire situation expressed in such painful narrative,
you should break out of this relationship as soon as possible.
You should want to ease the pain, however, and be as gentle as possible. At the same time, as expressed numerously by the wizard, you must
express it clearly so there is no confusion and no hope of reviving the relationship.
Your living relationship is unclear. If the two of you live together, and if one of you is able to easily move to another location, that
is a good start. If neither of you can do that, then finding a solution to that problem will help your break-up if the process includes an easy
split in living arrangements. Beyond that practical issue, the break-up should be done with eye-to-eye, direct conversation, clearly stating that
your romance is over, and that you want, without any doubt, to move on with your life in a new direction. If your words are direct and clear to
her, the message should come through loud and clear with no confusion.
Here is what you must NOT do. You must not tell her she is fat, that she is not sexually attractive to you any more, that she bothers you,
that you don’t want her to get Glenn Close over you, that she is too demanding, too dependent, too insecure. No negatives. Even if she says
something that gets you mad or upset, do not say anything negative. Let the relationship end with a positive conversation. Indeed, be
complimentary of her better points, so that she will not feel (hopefully) insulted or humiliated. You must avoid that at all costs, if you have
any human feeling in you.
You may have to explain the break-up to her a second, third, fourth, etc. time. If so, always follow the same rules expressed above. Good
luck.
Wizard
May 21, 2007
Question: my girl friend caught me with another girl. then she went dating another guy just to pay me back. after three months of our
break up, she wants to come back. what do i do?
ANSWER: If you want her back, take her back. If you don’t, don’t.
Wizard
May 21, 2007
Question: My current girlfriend and I argued for 11 months straight out of 13. After much internal conflict, I finally broke up with her.
I think she is a fantastic person in many ways, but together we bring out the worst in each other. I was not giving my best in our relationship
and she was negative and argumentative. I did some personal development courses and now she is doing one too. She is saying we should get back
now because she has changed, but it has been only 3 weeks. I don’t want to be in an angry relationship any more. I care about her deeply
and think she’s great, but I have many concerns about a potential future. Do I let her in or am I just being afraid?
ANSWER: The question you must ask yourself is whether you love her enough to try again. Personalities do not change by taking personal
development courses.
The two of you care about each other and have invested just over a year into the relationship. Can you invest more, hoping that things
will change? The practical reality tells us that the odds are against you. Hence, your fears are justified. However, love can overcome
practical reality. You must decide, simply, do you love her enough?
Wizard
May 14, 2007
Question: Should I dump her? We like each other, but she’s really ugly and everyone makes fun of me.
ANSWER: Do not decide whether to date or who to have for friends based on what you think other people are thinking. What matters is this:
Do you like her, and what would be fun for both of you to do together? If you like each other, at least be friends. If that relationship evolves
into something more, you both see good things about each other, and that is what counts.
One more point of wisdom from the wizard, a point that will serve you well through all of your life: This is not about how much worth she
has (do understand this – she has worth, because you like her). No, this is about your worth. If you are a worthy, fully
functional human being, you will make your decision on your terms, independently, without regard to what others think, because you have the
confidence, the knowledge, and the freedom to decide for yourself.
Wizard
May 10, 2007
Question: All right, it's me again (Guy from May 8th posted). I've been talking with my girlfriend, just normally, nothing about Studley.
And everything seems to be just like it was back before I ever heard of him. But it still bugs me soo much that she even KNOWS him now. And I
can't find any of the right words to bring up a subject about him. I want to dump her, but I really need some words to help me out to bring this
up to her and dump her with. Please help me out again! (Thanks for the help before)
ANSWER: You deserve better. Anyway, here is some advice.
You’ve been talking to her normally and everything seems to be what it was before Studley arrived in the picture. Things are not
normal, now, because he has arrived. You need to determine: Was this guy a fling, or is he still in the picture?
Many girls who go out drinking have flings – short and sweet dates with guys who also like to go out, drink, and have flings. If
that is all it was, your girlfriend might think it was “nothing” and still want the relationship with you. If this is at all
accurate, you must decide whether you can tolerate her flings. Most guys who are not into drinking cannot appreciate the need for, nor the fun
in, a girlfriend who drinks and has flings.
So here is more advice: When she is with you during the day, not on a special date – just during some routine – you should
take advantage of the laid-back, calm but unromantic atmosphere. She will not be drunk and will be in full control of all faculties. If it is
routine, she will not be distracted. No TV or music – something really basic and routine. At this moment, try this: “Can I talk to
you about something, because something has been bothering me.”
When she says yes, or “if you must,” or any other response that opens the door, even just a little, say: “Who is
Studley?” Yes, ask her straight out, no preparation, no laying out of the carpet, no dodging. See how she responds and match that against
what the wizard has told you about drinking and flings. If Studley was a temporary stud, then she was using him for her own fling related needs.
He is not important to her. Then you can tell her how important she is to you, and if you are as important to her, she needs to stop going out on
flings if she wants to keep you.
If the answer she gives tells you that he is still in her “secret” life, you really do have enough to end the relationship.
Say her name, look her direct in the eyes, be serious, and say, “I cannot have a relationship with you and Studley.” Mean
it. She is sober, wholly in control of all faculties, and aware (even if she pretends not to be) of her problem and how it affects you.
If that doesn’t get things on track for one wild and maybe helpful, long conversation, then you will have done what was needed to
end the relationship.
Wizard
May 10, 2007
Question: I love someone and she loves me (I think). But we recently had an argument and I don’t know what to do, if it’s over
or not. I’ve been thinking about it all week, and can’t get her (it) out of my head. What shall I do?
ANSWER: Think about the argument. Were you right? Is it a point you can’t compromise on? Is it something about which you could be
wrong?
You can, at the very least, apologize for the argument. If you can find any way to accommodate her viewpoint, do so quickly. If you
don’t apologize for arguing with her, or if you cannot accommodate her viewpoint, you risk the end to your relationship.
Avoid letting her think you are bull-headed or stubborn.
Wizard
May 8, 2007
Question: All right, my girlfriend says she loves to be with me, and I love to be with her too. But she goes out to drink about every
night. I HATE that. But I like her. She called me one day and said she met this guy named Studley at a bar and that they've been out (Just as bar
buddies I guess) a few times together and that she wishes for something more with her and Studley. I'm pretty much sitting there on the phone
saying WTF in my mind. Thinking I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING OUT? In my mind. I didn't say anything to her about it, except saying that sounds cool. I
DON"T GET IT. Why would she say this to me? Everyone was telling me she liked me before I even noticed her. And now she's talking about
being something more with some Studley? I wanted to dump her soo much on the spot, but I don't know if she's even being serious (I've never
met/seen him). She could even be trying to make me jealous (Don't know why she would though). I wanted to bring all this up with her right then
and there but I could not find any of the words to describe how I feel.
ANSWER: She goes out drinking about every night. She calls to tell you she wants something more with Studley, a drinking buddy. This does
not sound cool; it sounds irresponsibly idiotic. You should have dumped her on the spot.
Wizard
|
