|
October 25, 2005
Question: my Gf moved in with me for the summer...(4 months). we had a good relationship while she was here. she has just moved 2 hours away to go to school. After 4 months, sex started to dwindle and now is non-existent even though i see her every other weekend... Grounds for dismissal?
ANSWER: The wizard thinks “dismissal” is too harsh a word for someone who spent four months living with you, even if she has moved out, for whatever the reason. However, if “dump” is well understood, then the word “dump” is not too harsh a word.
So – to make too long an answer to so short a question – here is the wizard’s pompous but most true response:
All short-term relationships end in a dump. Since each relationship is between two people, it only takes one to do a dump. Once one of the two people decides to dump the other, a wide range of things can happen – but usually an end to the relationship is the ultimate result.
A good relationship, in which neither person wants to end the relationship, is a beautiful thing: Both people enjoy the experience of a rewarding companionship filled with mutual love, desire, and sharing of experiences in the context of life as their age permits.
Inartfully stated, perhaps, but this is true as the earth is round.
If you believe you do not have this kind of relationship, and your hope of obtaining it is dashed, then a dump is warranted.
Wizard
October 20, 2005
Question: I've been with this wonderful girl for 6 weeks. I've had longer relationships, but this is the first one I am completely vested in. We travel a lot, speak on the phone several times a day. To be blunt, I love her. More than any other girl I have ever dated to this point. (I'm in my late 20s).
Last night, we drank some wine and some words were exchanged. She's somewhat poor and always wishes for the good life. I am moderately well off and have offered to help her any way I can. When we first started dating, she was seeing someone MUCH richer, but chose me over him. She said she loved me and not him and chose to be with me. Well, when we were drinking some wine and talking, she was saying how much she wanted a better life. I told her I was doing my best, that we would eventually live together. She said "I could be with HIM right now if I wanted to." I told her why she would say that. I also said she was acting like a skank. I give her everything... why even discuss this other guy with me, let alone tell me she could BE with him if she wanted to. Well, to make a long story short, she took a fit and cried all night long. I begged for forgiveness and apologized from today to tomorrow. She said she still loved me and to go to sleep. When we woke up, she had a very different attitude. She (missing text)
I tried calling her a few times, but it just seems to anger her more. I asked to see her just so I could apologize in person. She said she didn't want to see me. To give her time. I figure, in the time she heals, she will probably call that rich guy and dump my ass. I really love her, but can't stand the uncertainty. I promised her I wouldn't call or write or anything. It's been 24 hours and no word.
Should I dump her and save my soul or wait like a loser for her to make up her mind. Help! Please!
ANSWER: The wizard cannot determine what she cried about. Anyway, she needs time – or so she told you – and that is what you should give her.
Leave her completely alone for a week or two. Go on a pleasant first date with someone else. Loosen the bonds that make you feel committed to this girl. Shake your head, jump up and down, and scream out obscenities if you must (privately, of course) to rid yourself of her memory and her wishes and her wants.
Then, after the one or two weeks, measure how you feel. If you still feel horrible and miss her, try to call her. If she doesn’t make an effort to be available or to contact you, after you try to reach her, dump her and save your soul. If she is available or contacts you, and wants to see you, give it another try.
Wizard
| 
